Contesting Social Boundaries through Content Creation
Image: Unsplash
When I first started making content I was in an extremely serious relationship. Despite intimacy issues within the relationship, my parents were suffocating me with conversations around engagement and marriage. My parents also hinted that they expected me to change from a spoiled only child to a domesticated, servile wife's attributes. This meant changing the way I looked, the way I liaised with people and so on. I felt stuck and in a rut, and the lack of attention and my parents' pressure was grating on me. Before I let it affect my self-esteem, I decided to turn Instagram from a three-hour habit into a creative outlet to free myself. I understood that my parents meant well, but as an adult, I chose which principles and lessons I want to take with me to adulthood and which ones I wanted to leave behind that did not serve me as a woman in this day and age. Had I listened to my parents, there would have been parts of me that I would have laid to rest and other parts I would have to cultivate whether or not it resonated with me as a person.
As a teen, I had dabbled in modelling with photographers in the community. I was made to feel that the women who excelled in this realm were the ones who were thin, light-skinned, had features that did not exude sex appeal or were very child-like. They were not interested in angular bone structures, full lips or almond eyes but instead preferred soft features and fuller faces. Their concepts were very conservative, which I felt uncomfortable doing, and it translated in the photos as well. At 23, I took matters into my hands and decided to shop around for clothes I liked, learned to do my makeup and hair differently, and decided to take photos of myself. Having this sort of control over my content online not only expanded my skill set, but it made me have the courage to believe that I was capable of much more than being a doting domesticated wife, an obedient daughter, and a hard-working student. Finally, it felt like I attained some control over my life. I was doing something I liked- whether I capitalized on it or not with brand deals- it liberated me, empowered me, and had nice photos of myself.
Image: Vyshaly Sathiyamoorthy
I knew there would be repercussions with taking these photos and posting them up in a public space. First, I knew I would be sexualized and slut-shamed by people online, unfortunate but expected, so I geared myself up for this. It went as far as people using my photos for sex work online on websites that did not need verified accounts. Second, sexually liberated empowered women threaten society and sometimes that ruffles feathers. Many conservative Tamil men are intimidated by confident women in their skin. We are deemed deviant. They always are inclined to settle with "conservative" or "traditional" types, thus erasing the fact that a woman can be all of those things in various respects. In short, what a person posts online is only a facet of who they are, but this was not understood and became the defining factor. I also accepted that the spread of rumours is inevitable. Dressing like this meant that I must have been a sex worker by moonlight (absolutely nothing against it), and there was no way that a sexually liberated woman could be an intellectual or a woman who is invested in social issues, or a woman who was also spiritual, traditional or professional. I would delete these comments with great disappointment at how much work there is to be done around our community and sexual liberation. Thirdly, creating content also resulted in people online constantly berating me regarding how and why my body looks the way it does. The entitlement to know every single thing that was done to my body to gauge acceptability/marriageability is unacceptable. However, as plastic surgery completely nulls and voids one’s beauty altogether and is frowned upon in the community, people took it upon themselves to throw comments my way. Finally, there was the debate on whether or not I was sexualizing Tamil culture and the saree when our culture was sexually liberal this was often discussed in the comments or through messages which I ignored. The saree/and human body were not heavily sexualized before the arrival of the British. It was after the British that bras and blouses were mandated through implementations such as Breast Tax.
“Finally, it felt like I attained some control over my life. I was doing something I liked- whether I capitalized on it or not with brand deals- it liberated me, empowered me, and had nice photos of myself. ”
Though there are experiences that I had that were heavily discouraging as they reminded me of the work that needed to be done to inform people on our roots and other themes around sexuality and Tamil women: I am grateful for initiatives such as Thaen Pot for existing and will continue to support them. These initiatives give me hope for a more informed Tamil community that is comfortable around themes of sexuality and encourage women to be more confident in their skin whether they choose nudity or modesty. I will always continue to support those who are starting to create content and expressing themselves. I find it crucial to pass the mic down no matter how big or small your platform is to other creators and encourage them to use this space as an outlet.
