Journaling to Improve Sexual Wellness
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Journaling to Improve Sexual Wellness
Growing up in Chennai, my sexuality was closeted and repressed. I was policed in school; my skirt length was measured and cell phone logs were checked. My every movement was monitored. At home, my parents basically did the same thing. I wasn’t allowed to talk with boys, go out after 6 pm or have a sleepover at a friend’s house.
Getting my period at the age of 13 was cause for celebration but I was never educated or informed on what a period was and why I would be getting one every month for the rest of my life. I had no idea how my vulva looked and worse, I didn’t know a clitoris existed. I was not provided with access to sex education and had a very poor understanding of how to express my sexuality. I was taught not just by my parents to be ashamed about exploring my body but by my teachers and other community members.
I discovered porn and masturbation at the age of 14. I spent hours in my bedroom, on the internet, rubbing my clit with whatever I could find. A pillow, a towel, underwear, anything. This was a pivotal time during my teenage years and I was going through it in silence. I felt ashamed of thinking or talking about it.
At the age of 21, I finally lost my virginity and during that time, I was having a lot of unprotected sex. I was shamed for buying condoms and plan B pills. Sadly, the men I was with didn’t feel like it was their responsibility to share the contraceptive burden.
Unfortunately, this is a common reality for many women in the South Asian diaspora. Rigid gender socialization, intergenerational family trauma, a lack of community and emotional support enforce shame around sex. Denial of our sexuality is nothing more than a form of internalized oppression.
I knew that in addition to working on my emotional health, I had to heal sexually. Sexual liberation was a crucial part of my healing process. In addition to therapy and the use of sex toys, I developed a more potent form of sexual self-care by using journaling prompts and exercises.
Sexual Liberation and Wellness
There are many avenues through which we can explore our sexuality. Below are some suggestions:
Mindfulness
Staying mindful during solo sex or sex with a partner is so important. It allows us to get out of our heads and be more present in the moment. Masturbating mindfully and following the prompts our body is giving us cultivates a deeper sense of intimacy. It also allows for creating a safe space where one can let go of feelings of guilt and shame.
Journaling prompts
Certain journaling prompts open the floodgates for self-discovery and intimacy. Ask yourself the following questions and reflect on the answers.
1. How can I find more pleasure in day to day activities? (for example, eating fruits slowly/focusing on the chewing, applying lotion or essential oils on your body, daydreaming about fantasies, running fingers through your hair)
2. Has my environment been conducive this past year in helping me find my sexual self?
3. If not, what are some small changes I can make to prioritize my sexual wellness?
Exercises
Coupling journaling with these exercises allows for improved self-awareness about the needs of your body.
1. Write a dirty note to yourself
2. Make a list of all the sexual activities you want to try
3. Write a letter to a part of your body
Sexual Affirmations
It is well known that affirmations help us ‘affirm’ our need for certain things in our lives. Sexual affirmations help internalize self-acceptance and love.
I am a sexual being
I love and accept my body
My orgasm is a priority
I deserve to feel pleasure in my life
I deserve to experience my sexual fantasies
My vulva is brown and it is beautiful
As I continue on this journey, I still work through a lot of shame. But I have realized through these self-care exercises that healing is central to sexual wellness and liberation. By honoring my sexuality, I affirm that my body belongs to me and that I truly deserve to experience pleasure.
