Masturbation: Reclaiming The Seat From Patriarchy
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During a fateful biology class back in high school, I remember learning about the female reproductive system. Still, the only thing was, like most theory classes, this too became quite the theoretical biology class. An entire class where the majority were folks with vaginas, and somehow nobody knew how to navigate through this. Ironically, we seek happiness in everything we do, but here I was, unaware of the organ that only aims to give pleasure. But I wasn't alone.
"I remember how the reproduction chapter would be the only one that my biology teacher did not cover, and this used to be the one we were the most excited about," says Sanuja. "The teachers believed that the kids already knew the matter, so it didn't have to be covered."
Throughout history, pleasure has been lost and found and sometimes lost again. Unfortunately, ever since discussions around masturbation have pervaded, there hasn't been enough cultural lexicon to support the same. This invisibility of masturbation affects who talk, think and engage in it.
"Women do not really speak to each other about these kinds of things the way guys talk. It feels taboo, and more importantly, you feel awkward for putting yourself in that spot by talking about it," says Anupama.
While access to information on masturbation is already scarce, societies worldwide make people with vaginas feel ashamed of their desires. With restraint and control over their sexual desires, pleasure becomes systematically erased, stigmatized, and owing to the patriarchy that surrounds us.
The idea of shame and guilt begins to be associated with this pleasure-inducing activity, leading to us subduing our desires. Society creates barriers that feed into the larger patriarchal systems, which are meant to oppress and control those not in power. "I remember the first experience being that with a pillow," says Priya* "I was not sure about what the feeling was, but I certainly enjoyed it - sort of a guilty pleasure."
It is unfortunate to see the lack of autonomy in this context, leading to further cycles of control and power. Masturbation has several benefits, for example, improving their sex lives by figuring out what works for them and what doesn't. Each individual is different, and the mainstream depiction of sexual activities is just the tip of the iceberg of fantasies and desires. By masturbating, one gets a clearer picture and also opens up avenues to explore.
"I feel the knowledge penis owners are equipped with is clearly much more that they choose to go a whole month by not masturbating. Vagina owners go through No Nut November through the majority of the year." When people shun vagina owners who explore themselves, it adds to the systemic patriarchy that exists. Patriarchy leaves no stone unturned to control the already oppressed, and their desires and masturbation holds the key to fighting this.
“While access to information on masturbation is already scarce, societies worldwide make people with vaginas feel ashamed of their desires. With restraint and control over their sexual desires, pleasure becomes systematically erased, stigmatized, and owing to the patriarchy that surrounds us.”
Masturbation helps vagina owners benefit from elevated moods with increased levels of dopamine, endorphins and oxytocin. Studies also suggest that the practise leads to improved focus and concentration. Further, it helps raise adrenaline levels associated with higher levels of personal growth or a sense of purpose. Masturbation also helps improve body image.
Given all its benefits, we feel ashamed to even speak about the word. Personally, the idea of masturbation made me feel conflicted. I felt good but it also came with it shame and guilt. Why is it that we let shame control us, a feeling that was instilled in us by others who wish to silence us?
When we remove the shame and guilt associated with masturbation, we realize it's a beautiful world out there where we find space to grow, to find ourselves and unlearn. Each time we open conversations about masturbation, we let folks realize their desires, dreams, and autonomy over themselves. But, conversely, every time we give words to our desires and shape our vocabulary to talk openly about masturbation and all the terms associated with it, we let a part of patriarchy wither.
*Names have been changed upon request for anonymity.
