Nudes, Nudes, Nudes.
Image: Unsplash
The world has come a long way since AOL and Yahoo messenger chat rooms; as first generational children of South Asian parents using the internet, we were constantly reminded to not part with our contact number, mailing address and our photographs with anyone who wasn't immediate family. The years may have marked technological changes and the arrival of newer platforms (for exchanging videos and photos), and we made sense of each of those as per our self-conditioning enabled by the internet, yet, one thing remains the same— the discourse around taking and exchanging nudes is missing.
While there may be tastefully shot boudoir visuals available through every crevice of the internet yet, the conditioning of not revealing ourselves to the camera has been tightly engrained in the minds of South Asians. Between horror stories of revenge porn and non-consensual acts, taking and exchanging nudes has always been demonized and looked at as a big taboo between general population who grew up in the 80s and the 90s, especially in India. However, things have changed. Exchanging nudes is a huge part of sexual intimacy online, a facilitator of body positivity and coming to terms with yourself.
As someone who found herself fumbling through the idea of "how to" with nudes during my debut, and the lack of literature around the subject to make an informed decision, I spoke to friends who regularly exchanged photographs of themselves with their partners. My key takeaways from those conversations may help you, if you are pondering the idea of taking nudes and/or looking to exchange body shots during sexting.
1. Make yourself comfortable with the idea of seeing your bare body through the gaze of the camera. The angles used in professional photographs online versus what you shoot in real life are different, and thus, the shots you intend on taking will look nothing like professionally shot and edited work. Bodies have stretch marks, loose skin, and hair, which doesn't make them less appealing. Remember: All bodies are great bodies.
2. Take control of where you would like this exchange to take place. If your phone is synced with Cloud storage, make sure you have complete control of the account. For example, if you're exchanging photographs with your partner, communication on where these will go and whether or not your partner intends on saving these are a non-negotiable part of this conversation. You should be 100% satisfied before you proceed. I would recommend using an end-to-end encrypted app like Signal, which has a timer for text and visuals, especially if you're concerned about your safety.
3. While there is no fool-proof way of being safe with exchanging, it is important to safeguard yourself as much as possible. Consent is important. Having conversations with the person you are exchanging pictures with about boundaries and what feels right for you is integral. In fact, it makes the entire experience far more enjoyable, safe and sexy.
4. On the subject of safety, if you're exchanging nudes, a good idea is to not reveal your entire face when shooting images. This handy tip was passed to me, when I was a novice and didn't know any better. You'll feel a lot more confident in exchanging images if you have grown up with the dialogue, "don't exchange photos." Most people understand the hesitancy, and there's no shame in being safe.
5. Setting the mood can often help you lighten and take charge of shooting without being awkward. I find playing R&B and being in a good mood always helps before shooting.
6. The nudes and other visual media doesn't always have to be yours. Talking to your partner and exchanging existing gifs, clips and media online from NSFW subs on reddit can also help in taking the sexual intimacy to the next level, especially if you are in a long distance relationship. These can also be used as reference points for you to learn from, if you were to ever shoot yourself.
7. The build-up to sending photographs can be sexy, if done right. If you're not comfortable showing a part of your body, try to play around with angles that show you're in the mood to get dirty with your partner. Often, risqué shots while wearing a part of the garment tend to turn the other person on more than not wearing anything. You don't have to take all your clothes off to get started with sexting. One of the most enthusiastic responses a friend ever got was when she sent a photograph of her wet fingers after finishing sexting with her partner. No nudity was involved, yet the photograph aided the idea of "sexting" insofar as language of intimacy was concerned.
Reminder: Find your middle ground and play around until you are comfortable.
