Post-Partum and The Forgotten Sex
Image: Divya Chandru
The multitude of changes that happen during pregnancy is something comparatively extensively discussed throughout medical, pregnancy, health and other related blogs. The area that is so less discussed is the changes – physical, hormonal, mental and lifestyle changes that a person goes through post-birthing. Having heard about a myriad of changes like gradual weight gain, increasing uterus where the fetus is growing, the uterus in the process pushing the stomach organs up, congestion in the chest cavity from the organs pushed against each other, water retention especially in the extremities, most often an increased sexual desire and so many more that happens over a period of nine months. While we expect the birthing person to be back to pre-pregnancy state most often right after birth, the person’s body post-birth is left with a lot to heal from. And hormonal balance is just one of those things. The major changes that happen to people around the birthing person, oneself and the extremely fragile newborn baby does not allow them to consider their self as a sexual being. They have a new role to fill in as parents and the most tiring role while there is less time for themself and no time to think about their pleasures.
While most of us dismiss lack of sexual desire during postpartum to lack of time, and change in focus, we fail to attribute some of it to the hormonal changes that happen during postpartum. When pregnant, there is an increased hCG, hPL, estrogen (specifically estradiol) and progesterone. During postpartum, there is a decrease in progesterone and estrogen, a surge of oxytocin immediately after birth to compensate, increase in prolactin. The postpartum hormones and their level keep changing every few weeks. There is a strong association between these hormonal changes and the postpartum blues that the newly delivered person faces. Not to mention the lack of sleep or loss of sleep. The drop in progesterone levels is said to be one of the major reasons for postpartum depression especially with the lack of oxytocin kicking in to compensate. Around 50 to 80% of persons who have just given birth experience mild transient dysphoria called ‘baby blues’. There are physical changes like neurogenesis of the hippocampus that links brain adaptations post-birth to depression.
“While we expect the birthing person to be back to pre-pregnancy state most often right after birth, the person’s body post-birth is left with a lot to heal from.”
We need to also look at the manner of birth, the birth preferences of the pregnant person and if it was met during the process. This is one of the major factors for the person to feel either empowered or violated as birthing is quite an intimate event and everyone needs to feel secure. The feeling of violation leaves the birthing person with resentment and trauma that marks their parenting and lifestyle. Most often the birth companions or their partners tend to face the slack for not advocating for the birthing person. This reflects in the desire to sexually engage with their partners. To mention other reasons for lower sexual desire, perineal tears, pelvic floor muscle strength, dryness of the vagina, the altered image of their body and its functionalities. Besides the socio-cultural effects of societies that consider a birthing body impure and having to cleanse them of the impurity postpartum.
Discussion within the parenting groups has lead to the realization of the lack of sexual encounters for new parents is often crossed over as a joke or as one of the problems to be handled rather than getting actual medical/professional help. The older generation who have gone through this is often neither of no help nor supportive. They either dismiss as that is not a big deal or they are unapproachable about sexual lifestyle questions. One of the jokes that get told in parenting forums goes, a parent enquiring about the lack of sexual life and most of them come back with – ‘You people are having sex?’ or ‘What is that sex?’.
When talking through about postpartum sexual desire, Karpagam a second-time mother says that, “I have had a natural birth with my second baby and I feel more happy and able to involve in intimacy sooner than the first time around”. Another mother, who wished to stay anonymous, says she has “no sexual desire whatsoever. We have no intention of consulting a professional regarding this. My partner is supportive and he is willing to take it slowly as per my wishes.” This mother is four months postpartum. While Chrislin says, “My sexual desire is back to pre-pregnancy level. Although, living in a joint family and having a small baby makes it difficult for us to engage in lovemaking.” Few mothers have outright said that after the birth of a second baby, they have no intention to engage in sex. They feel there is no need to have sex unless it is for procreation. They have also said that their partners agree with them to not engage in sex for pleasure.
We cannot deny the obvious taboo in speaking about sexual desire or physical intimacy-related issues. Most are unaware of the need to have sex for pleasure or that women can have pleasure in sex. To these women, it is about ‘sex for procreation or to satisfy their partners. A lot of mothers have simply no understanding of the basics of sex, pleasure or contraceptives. By asking to interview for this article, I have realized a lot of postpartum mothers are unaware of the changes in them physically, psychologically and hormonally. For instance, a two-time mother asked if condoms are safe. In general, I have come across partners who are willing to take things according to the mother’s wishes. None of the mothers I had the opportunity to engage with are seeking professional help. There is a long way to go from where we are right now. While talking about sexual desire postpartum or sexual desire in people with vulva in itself the first step towards awareness.
To summarise, while there are so many concrete reasons for low sexual desire, to expect a birthing person to get back to their base sexual level postpartum, without actually addressing the myriad of reasons why they might be experiencing a low sexual desire, is another outcome of patriarchy. There would have been various research, political drive to advocate, universal maternity leaves and ways to handle the low sexual desire in birthing person postpartum, if and only if the Cis-het male was the designated birthing person. In the current situation, would urge each birthing person to be educated of these changes and advocate for themselves to their healthcare providers. Holistically looking at ways to support the new parents – socially, mentally, physically, medically and economically can help address the affair of forgotten sex life postpartum.
References:
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7042171/
Abbreviations:
Human chorionic gonadotropin hormone (hCG)
Human placental lactogen (hPL)
