Prescription Drugs & Female Libido
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Female libido is not typically at the forefront of medical or sexual discussions for numerous reasons. The conversation around male libido is more common because it’s more profitable to the pharmaceutical industry. Male privilege allows this discussion to be had somewhat more openly without fear of judgment. Female concerns on this matter are typically put on the backburner due to the unfortunate reality that sex can occur whether or not a woman has the sexual drive to participate. In addition to this, despite anyone’s best efforts, women are still shamed for their sexual desires, so lack thereof is an uncomfortable and unfamiliar discussion. Nonetheless, anyone who cares for or respects their female partner should show interest and or concern in their libido; in the same way, women are taught to cradle the egos of their male partners when their sex drives dwindle.
What happens when we, as women, are ‘not in the mood’? To be honest, I was never forced to think about nor ask these questions until they affected me. As narcissistic as it may sound, the female libido conversation is not one that is commonly had, if at all, which leaves women who do have these feelings rather alone or in the dark. When I first lost my libido, it was subtle, and truthfully, I hadn’t noticed. I love having sex with my partner, but it began with me initiating less and less until I was hardly thinking about sex at all. When my partner initiated sex, I would force myself to be in the mood out of fear of disappointment, to no fault of his own. Truthfully, I just wasn’t ready to talk about it because what woman does? I had subtly raised the topic with my sister, who immediately opened up about her experiences with the birth control pill, and how it ultimately killed her sex drive. So much so that her fear of ruining her relationship pushed her to seek another method of birth control. I slowly began to survey my other female friends privately and began to hear similar stories of various birth control pills destroying their libido. I couldn’t help but wonder why these rather serious possible side-effects weren’t being discussed more openly by physicians when being prescribed oral contraceptives.
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I began to reflect on my relationship; I was undoubtedly in love with my partner and incredibly attracted to him, so what was wrong? I wasn’t fantasizing about other people; the problem was that I wasn’t fantasizing at all. This forced me to consider my medical history. I began to deliberate on my experience with birth control for over half a decade, in addition to the new anti-depressants I had been prescribed to cope with my anxiety. It began to occur to me that despite my anti-depressants drastically improving my mood and alleviating my anxiety, they had taken a devastating toll on my relationship and sex life. I had gone from being a woman with a healthy libido and stimulating sex life, to an individual who never thought about sex at all. While this may not seem crucial to some, it truly felt like a valuable and intimate part of my relationship with my partner was suffering.
“It began to occur to me that despite my anti-depressants drastically improving my mood and alleviating my anxiety, they had taken a devastating toll on my relationship and sex life. ”
It is of my opinion that I likely would’ve made these connections much quicker if the conversation around female libido was more normalized. Anti-depressants adversely affecting male libido is a rather commonly discussed side effect. However, because women’s desires are so often absent in conversation, we’re forced to believe that our libidos don’t matter. Perhaps we’re shamed into believing our sex drives are irrelevant due to the harsh reality that sex can occur whether women are interested or not. It’s important to remember during these moments of self-doubt that no one is entitled to having sex with you if your desire isn’t there, including your partner. If you’re in a loving relationship, you owe it to yourself to have an open conversation with your partner about your sex drive and desires because your feelings are valid and important. If you feel that the medication that you’re taking may be negatively affecting your libido, you’re entitled to ask questions, perhaps amongst individuals with whom you feel safe or with your physician. Pay attention to your medications, your libido, your emotions, and the environment that your partner creates for you because it matters. Despite any dismissiveness, you may receive from health care providers or partners alike, ensure that you continue to seek out someone to speak to who is attentive to your sexual and medical concerns.
