My Contraception Story
Image: Unsplash
At the age of 20, I was pressured into going on birth control and it changed my life forever.
It was my second year of university, and being newly single, I flung myself into the dating scene. I started seeing someone I met at a party. This was the second man I had been with since my ex and my first casual dating experience. No longer believing that I had to marry the man I lost my virginity to, I was now looking to date for fun. Although I had always relied on condoms in terms of contraception until this point, other forms of birth control never crossed my mind due to a lack of awareness on sexual health (conservative upbringing & limited sex education in school).
“I don’t like using condoms. Could you not just go on the pill?”
Any man asking me this question today would be out of the door in seconds. I was still inexperienced in terms of my sexuality at 20 and was heavily influenced by the patriarchy which told me to put his needs above mine. The next day, I booked an appointment at the sexual health clinic to discuss my options.
During the appointment, I felt I was in safe hands with the nurse. I had done no prior research, which is a testament to my faith in the NHS. Unsurprisingly, I had always been someone who trusted those in authority when I was younger. The option that stood out to me was the Depo Provera shot, commonly known as a contraceptive injection. Unlike taking a pill every day, it was an injection in your arm or buttock every three months with supposedly no alarming side effects. I trusted the “expert” and allowed someone to decide for me in unfamiliar territory. I didn’t realize it at the time, but I was slowly losing control over my own body, and that would play into what was to come in the following months.
I experienced no side effects while I was on the injection apart from my periods stopping. I thought I’d hit the jackpot with my choice of contraception. However, I decided against going for my second shot. Although it made things easier, I wasn’t comfortable thinking it might be affecting my reproductive health in ways I wasn’t aware of. What followed was so severe it would have been impossible to prepare for.
April 2015. One week of no sleep as my brain was suddenly in overdrive. Extreme mood swings, which had me crying every half hour. Hot flushes. Panic attacks. Things I had never experienced before. I had no idea what was happening to my body. I went to A&E and my GP in search of answers from the experts. The Tamil GP was more interested in my family background, and the A&E staff brushed it off as symptoms of exam stress. The turning point came when I saw brown discharge in my pants. The penny dropped. These symptoms began when I was due for my next shot. Desperate to find answers, I turned to Dr. Google. At 3 am, after four days of zero sleep, it dawned on me that I was essentially living through an out-of-body experience. Several other women documented the damaging aftermath they faced when coming off the contraceptive injection, which was in line with all the symptoms I was experiencing. I felt betrayed. Why had the nurse not told me any of this? It felt like when I decided to take control of my body, I was being punished.
Finally, I turned to the only person I felt I could find comfort in, Amma. The one silver lining in all this was that she offered me unconditional love and support when I burst into tears in her arms. She didn’t know what was happening, but she gave me exactly what I needed at that moment. Even Tamil Ammas can surprise us in the best way when we need it the most.
Luckily, my symptoms subsided after two weeks, but not everyone is as lucky as me. Sexual health still has a long way to go to adequately address the information gap around the different contraceptives. If you are considering your birth control options, do your research and only do what you are comfortable with. It is your body, and only you have the power to decide what you want to do with it. Not a partner, not healthcare workers, no one but you.
