Pride Month: Writers Spotlight
Image: Unsplash
Since our launch last October, Thaen X has commissioned brilliant racialized queer writers. They have explored culture, entertainment, relationships and intimacy through personal narratives and analysis. For Pride Month, we’re resharing these pieces and thanking folks for choosing Thaen X to share their stories. Happy reading and happy Pride!
The Male Gaze on Female Willpower - Why is Neelambari Such an Unforgettable Villainess?
Ram Paramanathan
“Padaiyappa antiquated ideas of gender norms. Even in her death, she wouldn’t let the patriarch save her life. Which queer kid doesn’t love this radical vamp? I remember watching her in the movie as a child and being in a trance of awe and admiration to this woman. Her lack of empathy, her viciousness, the abundance, and irrationality make her a historic villainess, but it is her just being a woman and full of power that makes her unforgettable.”
Losing your Libido During Lockdown
Thandeka Mujati
“The decline of my libido was met with a rise in my girlfriend’s. She experienced an increase in sexual desire. It became clear that sex was a coping mechanism to stay connected and relieve anxiety for her. Whereas my coping mechanism was going into a “power-saving” mode. All my energy was going towards surviving the day, to stop from unravelling.
I can see she thinks I no longer desire her; I can see her pain because sex was such a pivotal part of our relationship. The more stressful the outside world became, the more she needed it. Whereas for me, the more stressful life became, I started to shut down.”
The Obsession With Penetrative Sex Needs to Stop
Sohel Sarkar
“I came into my queerness quite late — well into my late 20s. I know now that this is not unusual, but it meant that I had spent at least a decade of my adult life riding the heterosexual dating wave. I went through the motions, performing love and pleasure for my partners and myself, like an elaborate act even I wasn’t aware of. All the while, I struggled to articulate what made sex pleasurable for me. In a heterosexual setting, the cultural tropes of a heteronormative world were that much harder to escape. In one of these tropes I had inadvertently internalized, penetrative sex always came on top in an imagined hierarchy. And so, for a long time, I tried to train and cajole my body into finding pleasure in it. Each time, it was at best unsatisfying and at worst painful. It would be more than a few years before I learnt to acknowledge and explore my pansexuality, rethink how I engaged with sex and pleasure, and come to terms with my own unconscious biases—namely, what kind of sex I prioritized at the cost of my own pleasure.”
As A Brown Woman, Defining Intimacy On My Own Terms Is A Revolution On Its Own
Jaya Paltoo
“It would be weeks before more transpired, but I thought of little else in that time, as I reckoned within myself if I even had the slightest capacity to explore a relationship with this brilliant Black trans man. I asked myself what I could offer another when feeling like I was still barely piecing myself back together, yet I also acknowledged that my connection to him held a certainty that I could not begin to ignore, even if it meant something else to recover from, much like all I face as a queer brown woman. I would run into him again a week later, and struggle to reconcile my visceral reaction to his presence, but also allow myself a glimmer of hope that maybe this romantic interest could be mutual, and consider the possibility that we might align well for a relationship with each other, despite all my fears about getting hurt should it end.”
Journaling to Improve Sexual Wellness
Varuna Srinivasan
“Getting my period at the age of 13 was cause for celebration but I was never educated or informed on what a period was and why I would be getting one every month for the rest of my life. I had no idea how my vulva looked and worse, I didn’t know a clitoris existed. I was not provided with access to sex education and had a very poor understanding of how to express my sexuality. I was taught not just by my parents to be ashamed about exploring my body but by my teachers and other community members.”
Nagara: Indo-Caribbean Sexualities, Erotic Autonomy, and Dance
Ryan Persadie and Premika Leo
“In the Caribbean, colonial forces shaped ideologies of “acceptable” sexualities as those that adhered to rules of “respectability. Framing heterosexuality as absolute law, those who defied its tyrannical legislation became positioned as outsider, cleared for ridicule. Despite being situated in times of “postcolonialism” (although are they really?), these rules continue, and are exacerbated in spaces like Toronto where Caribbean communities have now come into contact with other survivors of colonized regions, particularly in our interactions and organizing relationships with South Asian communities. “
Acts of Resistance: Blood-soaked pads
Luxe Xt Sunthar
“All the blood I have remaining in Eelam now dwindle down to 4 people in Mullai – my maami and her three boys. My tour of their house begins at the outhouse and my heart sinks as I realize that there is no trash can for me to dispose my blood-soaked pads. My maami has hit menopause and my three cousins have likely never considered the concept of menstruation beyond the samatheeya veedus they were forced to attend over the years. I heard in passing from co-workers in Colombo that there was a practice of burying pads near the outhouses- I let the idea go as quickly as it came-it didn’t sit well with me to add all that bleach and rayon to my homeland like that. I could do the walk of shame over to the kitchen and chuck the pads there – ah fuck but wait, then I’d effectively out myself to the pussy police and have all the kovils cut out of my Eelam tour. I resolve to just collect the blood-soaked pads in my travel bag.”
