Rest in the time of COVID-19
Image: Unsplash
I’ve taken melatonin gummies every day for the past five days to help me sleep. The pain caused by 2020, continuing into 2021, knows no boundaries and it would be an understatement to say that it hasn’t directly impacted my ability to focus on rest. Despite my hesitation to define pain or rather categorize it in relation to a particular moment in time, the pain on different levels-physical, emotional and political-have all weighed down on my mind and body in ways words, at times, cannot explain. The heaviness I’ve felt, and continue to feel, in my chest especially, has pushed me to think about how finding time to rest over the past year has been a never-ending battle.
I used to look forward to staying up throughout the night, seeking refuge in loneliness. Now, ten months into the pandemic, my anxiety is at an all-time high, especially when it’s time to sleep. While going to sleep was never an easy feat for me, the pandemic has contributed to new challenges to slowing down and finding time to rest. On a physical level, chronic pain keeps me up. Meanwhile, any attempt at regulating my emotions as COVID-19 has dramatically impacted my relationships with peers and family members have only resulted in more turmoil. The pain brought on by elected officials’ careless response to the pandemic that has failed to keep people safe, especially racialized working-class people, has further revealed the violent depths of the crisis we are currently trying our best to navigate. And despite the motivational and informative Instagram swipe posts, the reality of finding even 5 minutes to slow down and catch my breath has been far more complicated than I had anticipated.
“I used to look forward to staying up throughout the night, seeking refuge in loneliness. Now, ten months into the pandemic, my anxiety is at an all-time high, especially when it’s time to sleep. ”
For Sarah*, 28, it took a while to figure out what worked best for her. “I have had to rely on a different type of gummy to go to bed. Melatonin didn’t work for me, and so I either had to tire myself out, or I would have to buy edibles, sometimes chocolate, to help ease the anxiety before bed. I’ve always had anxiety, but the events of last year, the changes in my schedule, and the increased workload placed a burden on my mental health.” Although the impact of COVID-19 is felt in various ways, especially concerning mental health, the issues with the lack of access to mental health support long precedes the current global pandemic. “If I weren’t in school right now, I wouldn’t have access to a counsellor. I’m not even sure I want to think about how I’m going to deal with all of this once I graduate. The pandemic continues to have an impact on my day-to-day,” says University of Toronto student, Anjali*, 25.
For others, working from home adds to the pressures of productivity and navigating the guilt that subsides proves to be a challenge. Jen*, 29, speaks of the difficulty of maintaining a work-life balance. “I’m working a lot more than I was before the pandemic. The fact that I no longer have to commute to work, I think, contributes to this. I’m thinking about work even when I clock out, especially since work is now no longer somewhere else. It’s in my home. I’m seeing companies profiting from this. Without the appropriate mental health supports, I don’t think that I can do this much longer.”
In the book Pleasure Activism, author adrienne maree brown encourages her readers in a chapter titled, “Weed Off, Weed On,” to “reflect on the pleasures you intentionally practise to soften the physical, emotional, and political pain of modern life.” This particular prompt could not be more timely, especially as collective pain, in 2020 and into 2021, continues to be neglected by elected officials and the capitalist system. Finding time to rest is one of many challenges, but tapping into the pleasures we turn to address different pain levels to allow for rest is a whole other ball game.
Tina*, 30, highlights the importance of re-centring pleasure to manage our heightened emotional response to the pandemic. “I always felt so much comfort in the dead of the night. Especially the silence. I never enjoyed being awake with everyone around and all the noise. I later understood this as a trauma response or, rather, something common among people who have experienced trauma. It’s a way to escape. Now, however, in the middle of the pandemic, I’ve changed course a bit. I’ve recognized the pleasure I find in adding meditation to my daily routine. It has helped a lot.”
Sometimes returning to the pleasures, we used to take for granted before the pandemic may prove helpful. In other instances, attempting new options to manage our feelings at this moment may be more appropriate. Doing what feels right for you, prioritizing rest when we can, are all ways to center ourselves as we move into the second year of this pandemic.
*Names have been changed upon request for anonymity.
