Why Love Bombing is a form of abuse amongst South Asian Women
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The term ‘Love Bombing’ emerged in 2021, but what does it mean? Healthline defines love bombing as “when someone overwhelms you with loving words, actions, and behaviour as a manipulation technique”. This can include lavish gifts, excessive compliments and a refusal to accept boundaries which results in manipulation.
Old school Bollywood movies are notorious for love bombing. Usually, the male lead showers the female protagonist with an exaggerated form of PDA in the form of a serenade or overt display of love. Soon after ‘wooing’ the girl, the ‘hero’ loses interest and breaks her heart by pursuing another femme fatale or pushing her away.
Traditional South Asian relationships have always had some form of love bombing. At the start of a courtship, the male may appear affectionate, loving, generous and kind as he pursues a female for marriage. Gifts, compliments and appearing ‘family friendly’, love bombing is a veil of deceit intended for female consumption. In a painful twist of fate, it’s the bride who has to shower the groom and his family with dowry money in exchange for her hand in marriage. Love bombing has been overturned in this state. This breaks down the woman’s emotional barriers and leaves room for abuse and manipulation.
A 2018 study by Shreya Bhandari and Bushra Sabri, which focused on South Asian women and abuse, found that they were victims of abuse that began shortly after being married. Instances of abuse ranged from being financial, sexual, physical and emotional. The husbands “isolated these women in various ways, for example by not allowing them to go out or talk to anybody, among other things, effectively trapping them in abusive marriages”. The study also delves into the fact that there is clearly a stigma with divorce as “Abusive men use these community beliefs and attitudes to their advantage by manipulating and controlling women. Many women stay in abusive relationships due to fear of abandonment or shame.”. This is a clear representation of love bombing in a cultural form. Dictatorial patriarchal power structures have always been prevalent in South Asian marriages with an accepted status quo of the male being the oppressor and the woman being oppressed. The woman is often unable to turn down the man in fear of being alienated from society, and there are social pressures to succumb to marriage from society and family. In short, South Asian women have been subject to abuse for generations which stems from society’s need to place men on a pedestal.
However, love bombing doesn’t just have roots in traditional relationships but takes place very much in the modern dating world. The love bomber is often a narcissistic individual who hides their true intentions behind acts of affection. They may buy excessive gifts, constantly check in on your whereabouts, make intense statements and expect you to commit very early on in the relationship. It’s easy to overlook these red flags when viewing the relationship through rose tinted glasses which is why this form of manipulation is so dangerous. The abuse can exacerbate when the love bomber finds that their victim is not behaving in the way they should be, and as a result, they remove all their affection and devotion from the relationship. This can leave the victim in a state of heartbreak and vulnerability as they struggle to process the change in behaviour from the love bomber.
Heartbreak may just be the tip of the iceberg, as love bombing can also lead to issues such as low self-esteem, depression and other mental health problems. It’s a dating trend that definitely needs to end. It is a form of abuse we need to continue to be vigilant towards.
