Building consent culture online
Image: Unsplash
Our relationships have transformed drastically over the past year. We've learned to adopt new forms of communications through social media platforms or other messaging and video applications. We've been subjected to increased screen time, which has impacted our wellbeing in ways that may not be immediately evident to us. Practising consent on virtual platforms is no different from how we centre consent in our physical interactions: it begins with checking in on what feels good. We practise consent in different ways every day: asking to enter a room, asking if "this seat is taken", asking for a minute of someone's time when campaigning, and the list goes on. Yet, consent as an everyday practice in our homes, workplaces and relationships, offline and online, are still conversations to be had. Sexual harassment and assault are prevalent in our society. As our lives have shifted almost completely online, taking a look at how boundaries are crossed in the virtual space is imperative in ensuring safe online interactions.
The following is a short list of tips and resources to centring consent and drawing in our everyday interactions online.
Practising consent when sexting
Sexting is defined by the Western University's Centre for Research & Education on Violence Against Women & Children as "Sharing "sexy", nude, or partially nude images of oneself with others via cell phone." Active, enthusiastic and ongoing consent while sexting ensures that a culture of care and trust is built through this process. Continuous check-ins with your partner around what feels good for them will strengthen your relationship and make the entire experience far more enjoyable. As we love to remind folks: Consent is sexy!
The University of Toronto defines consent as, "The voluntary agreement of an individual to engage in a sexual act. Consent is positive, active and ongoing, and can be revoked at any time. Consenting to one kind of sexual act does not mean that consent is given for another sexual act or kind of activity. Consent is NOT obtained where a person is incapable of consenting – for example due to intoxication, or where a person is induced to engage in the activity by someone abusing a position of trust, power or authority." The National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC) outlines, in their informative guide on digital consent, they outline the concept of picture pressure. This refers to the use of pressure, coercion or guilt to ask someone to send photos. Additionally, the violation of consent refers to sharing photos or conversations with people consent was not extended to. This can look like the forwarding of intimate photos without the original sender's knowledge or sharing photos on public online platforms. In both of these scenarios, consent is violated. As mentioned in the NSVRC guide: "If someone shares a nude photo with you, don't share it with anyone."
Additional Resources on Consent and Sexting:
This article from Mashable is an incredible resource that outlines several different aspects of enthusiastic consent while sexting: https://mashable.com/article/guide-to-sexting-enthusiastic-consent/
Amy Adele Hasinoff is an Associate Professor in Communications at the University of Colorado who has been studying sexting for over a decade. Hasinoff is mentioned in the above Mashable article but deserves a separate mention as her must-watch TedTalk is an incredible guide to consent and sexting:
Sex and Emotional literacy educator Karen B.K. Chan's talk on Changing Sexual Scripts is an excellent guide to Sexual Consent that can be applied to our online relationships:
Private online conversations (and other things we share online)
Sharing every minute of our lives has become both a lucrative and compelling aspects of social media. However, what's troubling is how consent continues to be an afterthought if a thought at all. A recent trend on TikTok, where users take photos or videos of attractive strangers to ask their followers to find them on the social media app for them, has got me thinking about consent online. The trend is complete with Tory Lanez's N.A.M.E. audio (lyrics: "I feel in love with someone who doesn't even know my name) and left me wondering: did the people in the videos consent to being filmed, let alone have their images shared on a stranger's social media account. What seems innocent at first may not exactly be as ethical as we think it is.
Further, as many other TikTok users have pointed out: Why not just go over to the person and start a conversation? Assuming consent is never a good idea. This also includes anonymously sharing private/dm conversations on public stories. As the pandemic has added unbearable tensions to our lives, asking someone if they have space for conversation online or offline is the best practice, a practice I hope we continue post-pandemic.
Drawing Boundaries: limiting digital screen time
Managing the intense mental, emotional, physical and political pain caused by a global pandemic is not easy. Although the political memes, TikTok dances, and certain Netflix shows have provided some relief, the anxieties brought on by COVID-19 is exacerbated by the increased screen time. Social media consumption brings further challenges to how we cope during tough times, especially as the challenge to find time to relax can sometimes feel like a losing battle. However, if there is one thing that has helped my mental health, it has to be the act of turning my phone off for short periods. While I acknowledge that not everyone can afford to turn their phones off, if there is even a short half-hour, you can put your phone away: you should. Other options also include screen time monitoring apps that can be found built into phones ("Screen Usage" for iPhone users; "Digital Wellbeing" for Android users). Putting phones away during meals and opting for a book instead of a tv show to wind down at the end of the day are all options that will transform lockdown life.
As we enter the second year of the pandemic and as our online relationships continue to change, I want to remind you that it is also crucial that we centre ourselves. Don't forget to ask yourself: what feels good? More importantly, don't forget to listen to the answer.
